When knitting becomes true therapy.

You may recall that just before Christmas, my Clapotis was stolen from a pub. Taken right out of the sleeve of my jacket...gone...disappeared.  A month later my best friend had HER clapotis stolen.

It's a traumatic event.  You spend a lot of money buying the yarn (I used Lorna's Laces, 3 skeins and a bit), a lot of time knitting the shawl and then you fall in love with it a little more each time you wear it. You talk about it every time someone compliments you.  You show it off to your knitting friends who truly appreciate the finished object and the time it took to make it. They oooh and aaaah over it.  They 'squee'. 

And then it's gone.  Ripped out of your life and vanished...you become a knitter of the disappeared.

I had every intention of knitting myself a new Clapotis. My friend has already knit two since hers was stolen.  But I was afraid, i had knitters-block...I couldn't do it. I even bought the yarn...which is still sitting in my stash because I couldn't bring myself to cast on. 

Until now.  This weekend, I'm going to cast on for my Clapotis, in Lorna's Laces Lion and Lamb, colourway Devon.  

Because this is the true therapy of knitting. 

The past two weeks have been very difficult for me for a number of reasons.  I've been up and down on a wild ride of emotions, in floods of tears one day, laughing my head off the next.  And through it all have been some special and wonderful friends who have supported me and held me together.

And it got me to thinking.

If I knit my Clapotis, and while I knit I think of all my friends and the kindness, caring and genuine love I've received from them..then my Clapotis becomes something of a tribute to them.

And I got to thinking further.  Thinking about the mechanics of knitting a Clapotis.

It can be scary unravelling those stitches that are the trademark of a Clapotis.  Did I twist all my stitches correctly? Is it going to hold as I drop the stitches? Is the entire thing going to unravel because I've made some terrible mistake?

And it's a lot like life.  There are plenty of times in my life I've 'unraveled', where I've come apart completely. But..my friends, my staunch, strong, amazing friends have been there beside me, holding me together so that the dark times of my life become part of the whole, part of me, a piece of who I am.  

And in the end, after the knitting and unraveling, you finish your last stitch, tuck in the last end and step back to admire a beautiful, personal and wonderful piece of art. Art you can wrap around your shoulders and be proud to say 'yes it was hard but oh it was worth it'.

When I am finished my Clapotis I'm going to wrap it around me and imagine the arms of all my friends holding me. Holding me tight, holding me up, holding me together through all my unraveled periods. 

It's a pretty cool thing. Having friends like that.